So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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