bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
