I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
