just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
