sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
