Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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