My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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