Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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