Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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