escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
