This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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