Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
