Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
