i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
