This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
