So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
