All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
