I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
