Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
