Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
