I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
