I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
