Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just found puke in my bra..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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