Your face is a jimmy john
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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