I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
