tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
