We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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