I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
