Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
