tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
