i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
