just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
