Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
