I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
