My nipple is on Facebook.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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