Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sext me about skeletons
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
