my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
