This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
