I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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