why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
