we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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