to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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