it hurts more in the daytime
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
