Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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