This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
