just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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