great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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