I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
