If i come over, it means nothing
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
