8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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